'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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