All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
