I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
