it's too hot outside to masturbate.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
