he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She tied me up with her honor cords...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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