went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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