I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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