so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I have tasted many bathrooms
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
