She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
