It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
