remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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