Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
