girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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