take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
