How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
