I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
