We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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