i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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