Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
they're like a gay fantastic four
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
