took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
