People in love make me want to vomit
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
