I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Are my feet made of real feet?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
