how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
