somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
