My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
