remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
