and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
