What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
