I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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