i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
