a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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