I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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