My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
We named our party play list daddy issues
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
