I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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