I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
