FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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