Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I'm really busy with my period
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
