Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
