I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
