i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Is her dick bigger than yours?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
