He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
