We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
