whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Randomize
