update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
