I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
