we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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