Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
