i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
