She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
