she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
