I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
People in love make me want to vomit
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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