I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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