How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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