i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
