He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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