The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
