another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
