my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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