I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
