We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
